Undivided pavement stretches forth
with trees towering overhead,
dimming the area from shadows cast.
Afterimages of adventures past linger,
leaving a bitter taste of wistfulness.
A stillness is present,
but the drifting breeze
interrupts my nostalgic thoughts.
All that remains is now.
I take a deep breath.
Inside a watery womb,
the sound of a million droplets
rushing towards the unknown
brings a sense of serenity.
I sit and observe their travels,
eyes eventually shifting
towards the metallic gatekeeper.
Time changes its pace.
An aura slowly begins to emerge.
under a spell of wonder,
I fell into melancholic slumber.
there beneath I wander,
sleepwalking towards the oasis.
no faces in sight,
only open space inside this twilight.
moon and stars blanket above,
from horizon to horizon to infinity.
with love,
The point of this writing amounts to nothing more than posterity. If someone were to quote something I said after my life has ended, then I consider my work done here. Let’s just say I’m a bit more than skeptical of my ability to write something worth reading, so I’ll settle for that. Being quoted in a positive way means you’ve said something insightful, and for someone other than yourself to acknowledge that is an honor. Through your words, you may help others find the truth they seek.
What is your truth?
Each of us endowed with a sound mind possesses the power to direct others, insofar as they will allow. Everyone is different; each person is susceptible to varying degrees of suggestion and control. To be on either end of the spectrum can be a blessing or a curse. Someone impressionable can be taught with ease, but will fall prey to deception more often. Stubborn individuals won’t be swayed so easily, but this quality can backfire in the face of genuine helpful advice.
If you choose to cultivate this ability, proceed with caution.
What is “making it” exactly? How do you measure success? Personally, I measure it by how much you’ve helped others according to your ability. Bill Gates has helped by giving an enormous amount to charity (not to mention everything he did for technology), and believe it or not even people like Kanye West have done much for the world. Think of all the people his music has pleased, or how many youth it has helped get through a tough day. You can have all the riches or genius in the world, but if none of it has been put towards making the world a better place then that person is no better than me who has also contributed nothing. I’d say they are worse, even, because they have the wealth to do so and I do not.
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
I’m not religious by any means, but I feel some of the messages are still applicable today.
As is anyone, I’m far from perfect. There’s no question that I’m selfish in some ways. It’s the main reason I don’t want any children. To be a good parent you need to dedicate your life to your children; you are no longer living for just yourself, you’re also living for them. I can’t deal with the weight of that responsibility. I want my free time to be me time. I want to be able to skydive out of a plane with no parachute and blast off to the next dimension (hopefully) at a moment’s notice.
How are you supposed to do that in good conscience when there’s people depending on you? I don’t think you can outside of extreme circumstances. For example: if someone is in constant pain every single day, physical or mental, then I believe they should be able to decide whether they want to live or die with no repercussions.
It’s widely regarded to be extremely selfish to commit suicide. I don’t consider it extremely selfish, but I can’t deny that someone who commits it might not realize the harm they are inflicting on others in doing so. On the other hand, you also have to consider that expecting a person to continue living in misery just so you don’t have to be sad is also selfish.
It goes both ways.
I’m not the most hard-working person. In fact, if you were to put me in a group of 100 people, chances are high I’m the most lazy person in the mix. I can’t put a finger on why, I’ve just always been this way. If a project was due in school, I would never finish it. I’d never even START it. However, my laziness does not permeate every single aspect of my life. When it comes to certain things, I’m very willing. One of those things is reading– there’s a good chance I’ll read an entire page’s worth about a topic that is completely inconsequential to me. At the very least I have a thirst for knowledge, and I’m grateful for that.
Unfortunately, most of the knowledge I’ve acquired has no useful application towards building a livelihood. Regarding what I know about, I won’t bother to go too in depth because I don’t feel that it’s interesting or impressive. Mostly it’s knowledge of entertainment, something I’ve consumed daily for a great portion of my life. Music, movies, TV shows, games. I can hold a conversation if it’s on one of those topics, and I’ll even offer suggestions based on your taste, but I can’t do small talk or introductions.
Small talk and introductions are a crippling weakness of mine. Why? I don’t go to school (yet?). I don’t have kids. I don’t have plans. If asked about any of those things, the best I can offer is “Uhh…”. This has led me to become sort of a pariah– you can imagine the reaction of your average person who often measures theirs and others’ worth solely by what they contribute to society. I may as well be a social leper. I’ve been looked at with degrees of disdain and disappointment that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
So instead of risk having to deal with this reaction, oftentimes I just forgo meeting or talking to people at all. Admittedly, this hasn’t been the best course of action on my part. I agree with the “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” sentiment a good deal, although what you know definitely matters. I don’t know many people, nor do I know anything particularly profitable, so I haven’t made it very far in life. This has mostly been due to inaction on my part.
Actually, at 25, I don’t think I’ve made it anywhere at all.
Who’s to say whether what is written here will be for naught or eventually referenced when the technological singularity happens in the distant future? If I write nothing I’ll surely be forgotten at this rate, but if I have a chance of babbling my way to self-preservation I’ll take it. I doubt I’m capable of achieving posthumous significance in any other way that doesn’t involve giving in to darkness.
This is not meant to entertain you, reader. This is an abstract record, a collection of thoughts and content that may occasionally have a semblance of cohesiveness. Tread carefully, at its worst this site can be a peek into the abyss. Still, you may be rewarded if you can relate to the beauty in what I share or the hopelessness of it all.
Your curiosity is appreciated.
trav/is 
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