Often I’ll just sit here trying to get inspired to write and fail, as I’m doing now. I’m currently listening to Water by Aesop Rock and lamenting the fact that nothing I write will ever come close to any of his work. Writing is in his veins– he was born to do it. You could spend your entire life analyzing all of his music and you’d be lucky to decipher a fraction of it,
and that’s if you’re smart. To the average person the lyrics appear nonsensical–it’s understandable I suppose, you might as well be standing in a foreign temple trying to read hieroglyphs, but I’d argue until my dying breath that it’s not nonsense. I’ll definitely regret it if I never get to meet him, he’s my favorite solo artist and a living legend.

Maybe I’m just trying too hard– the main goal of this entire site is to be a record of my writings and thoughts for posterity, it’s not like I think I’m creating anything deserving of accolades. Like most writers (I’d assume), I’m overly critical of my work and think it’s nothing special, if not garbage. But I like it being out there– I like having created something, even if it’s worthless. I really don’t think I’ll ever have kids but I still want to leave something behind, so this is what I’ve chosen. I’m also hedging against the possibility of dying much earlier than I should– this way, even if I do, friends and family will have stuff to read and remember me by.

If that’s the biggest goal, then it’d make more sense to focus on quantity instead of quality…but I can’t do it. It’d be too easy to rattle off strings of random words and thoughts, anyone could do that. At least this way, I can say I tried to write something good. I could never write everything I want to write in one lifetime anyway…I don’t think anyone could. You can see David Bowie’s struggle with that assertion in his music video for Lazarus. I highly recommend you watch it.

“Now one in the hand is worth two atop the tallest cedar, but what lies inside my heart is off the motherfucking meter.” – Aesop Rock